My Four Seasons

I'm a sucker. I watched QVC for the very first time in my life because fellow Wayne State alumni Wayne Dyer, PhD, appeared. Hey, I know it's QVC but I still thought he'd have something good to say.

While I listened, I baked cookies. Kids, when the recipe calls for "packed" or "confectioners" or "granulated" anything, use just that. I tossed some granulated brown sugar instead of packed... What did I get? Very gooey, runny cookies! They were terrible!

Crap. Crap, crap, crap. I still had some dough and thought maybe if I tossed some actual packed crap, it would work...? I have yet to see.

So, going back to QVC. My college boyfriend's mom loved QVC and watched quite regularly. I guess it's like Oprah meets a Tupperware Lady; it has a social, ladies-having-coffee atmosphere, and then features goods to purchase or to try. For my birthday, she once bought me a kit where I could stash my toiletries while traveling. However, I think it took a while for her to get used to the fact that her only child had a girlfriend.

One time, John (the boyfriend) got a call from his parents out of the blue. His mom was watching QVC one day when a girl named Kristy from Okemos was a caller on the air (Okemos is a town over from where I lived while at Michigan State). The caller said she was getting married soon and was happy to have bought some rings through QVC. Apparently, John's mother thought it might had been me! Mom and Dad called and asked if he was getting married anytime soon, and he said no. They explained what they had seen, but ended it with, "you will tell us when you do, won't you?" He promised they would, and that was the end of that.

I totally forgot all about that until now. After being suggestible and feeling high and mighty, and listening to Dr. Dyer promote his book about not making excuses, I'm gonna use him as an excuse for me making my first QVC purchase. The QVC hosts introduced a JVC Everio Hybrid for over $150 less than its retail price. I've been in the market for a new camera, and a camcorder would be cool to have. So... I got one thanks to their handy-dandy payment plan.

My old Nikon CoolPics is going to my niece and nephews; one of them (Keiana) has a birthday today, so that's my gift to all of them.

So, I've joined ranks with John's mom and bought something from QVC. Soon I will receive something that I hope is useful and will give me years of use. We shall see.

The Puerto Rican rice recipe I got from Goya came out almost perfect ('perfect' meaning it's just like what Grandma Lina** and Uncle Jumpranger make).

The only problem was... no pegao.

Aww, I love the taste of crispy PR rice goodness... Overcooked gandules are good, too.

Ah, but it's all good :-) It was the best rice I cooked in a long time.


**Grandma Lina is my maternal grandma and therefore is Chicana. Puerto Rican rice is so great that is transcends boundaries, in my humble opinion.

Just got tickets to Depeche Mode and Peter, Bjorn & John...

This is a graphic I created for my storyboard. This is, in fact, the house I currently own (along with National City Mortgage). The "SOLD" sign is one I took of my house when I first bought it. I transposed the sign onto the picture of my house, and changed it for the situation.

I was inspired by Queen Latifah who did it in one of her movies!

Guess what? I got an offer, and another person was interested in it.

**Fingers crossed, praying, and believing it will happen.**

My friend Carlo the German found out this week that he has testicular cancer.

He hasn't told me more.

So strange... here's what I wrote about him not long ago:


While we were getting to know each other, I sensed Carlo had a sibling but was not close.  I asked him if he had one.

"Yes," he said with a slight mutter, "and the bloody bugger died."

Matthias was his younger brother by 3 years.  I later learned his brother died from cancer.  He was married and with a 5-year old son.    From the pictures I saw of Matthias while he was sick, he was really trying to hang in there.  I noticed his smile and attentiveness radiate through his tired body; his mother told me that was when he was undergoing chemotherapy in those pictures.  Maybe his body was sickened, but not his spirit.  He wanted to beat the cancer, which I later learned, was the same type of cancer his father had.  That was what I saw.

Carlo eventually told me he was treated for cancer.  I asked him how he found out.  He said he felt dizzy all the time and went in to get checked for it.  He described it like he was diagnosed immediately after what appeared to be a routine exam.  He was then scheduled for surgery to cut out the tumor in his belly, and waited for the operation day.

Carlo has a white, line-shaped scar on his chest.  It starts on one side of his chest and then ends at the inner groove of his hipbone, on his same side.  It had white dots where he had heavy stitches.

Carlo quit smoking when he undergone radiation.  He wasn't told to by his doctors, but thought he should stop.  He didn't have any new growths.  The cancer was gone.  However, his body had some malfunctions that he attributed to the surgery.  He never sought additional treatment for those.  He said  he didn't want to trigger another troublesome health problem from another surgery or side effect of medication.

We went to Hampstead Heath where we sunbathed and relaxed with other sunbathers.  He comfortably removed his clothes except for his swim trunks.  I forgot about the scar; I stop noticing it after a while, but this was the first time I was with him, in public, with the scar in plain view.  He laid on his back for a bit, without paying attention to or hiding his scar.  He moved and laid like any other sunbather without scars or taboos about their body.

Yes, my friend is a man who beat cancer after it had taken his father and then his brother.  He went to all of his doctor appointments every year; he took care of himself throughout his condition.  He still wanted to live despite the illness and its lingering effects. 

That's why I love my friend Carlo.   He was not bitter and angry about getting sick.   Pain didn't seem to be an issue in his recovery.  To him, it was a major life event and he was willing to live with the changes it inflicted.  Some people bemoan their surgery, or having the physical effects from it that he had.  However, he wasn't angry and he didn't blame anything for the cancer.  I think he was just glad to be alive.

If a person can cope with a powerful illness the way he had, he or she is someone I'd want to have on my team!  I want to know their essence and what bubbles within it.  I'd like to possess a little bit of that, or let that type of energy stoke me so I can have a similar one.

Carlo told me he used to get very uptight over matters and pushed those feelings to his stomach.  Years later, a cancerous tumor had to be removed from that same area.  He told me he suspected the tumor came from that.   He changed to where he wouldn't constant get worked up and perhaps sick again.  He valued being well and staying alive.

I am SO the female equivalent of Ranger (aka Ricardo Carlos Manoso), except... I'm a librarian.

You Scored as Ranger Congratulations! You are RANGER. 'His straight black hair was slicked back in a ponytail. His biceps looked like they'd been carved out of granite and buffed up with Armor All. He was around 5' 10" with a muscular neck and a don't-mess-with-me body. I placed him in his late twenties.' Ranger 100% Stephanie Plum 75% Sally Sweet 75% Connie Rosolli 67% Vinnie Plum 67% Mooner 67% Joe Morelli 58% Grandma Mazur 58% Lula 50% Joyce Barnhardt 42%

Text Msgs between my buddy Fran and Me, while I was in Seattle:

Fran: Now what are you doing? Garsh, I am discontent!

Me: Feeling yukky. My genes arent cut out for this cold and dreary junk, but its only temporary. Now, going for comfort food.

F: I am going for tea lights and lipstick! How cold? Dreary and cold? Em, I feel a bit better (the weather was sunny and but 60 degrees where she was). Fly back to Florida tomorrow? Bet peeps envy you!

Me: Seattle really is awesome and so are the peeps and the energy is way cool. I guess its just a summer thing to do.

F: suicide capital of usa.

F: we cant do gray skies well. we have to have large amounts of vit d.

Me: furreal??? Thats so s.a.d. (no pun intended). No wonder grunge music began here! At least motown is about doo-wop and kicking ass!

F: Yep for real. And it does explain grunge, too s.la.d. to dress up n sing happy songs!


Stuff I learned from a hosteler from the foothills of Georgia

Tickling trout is when one quietly, slowly sinks their hands in the ground under a rock, where trout usually hide. Then, wiggle the fingers while in the ground so the fish moves from the rock, and it can be caught! Trout dinner, here we come!

Noodling a catfish is a way to catch them without a pole. Catfish usually live in underground holes that are underwater. What you do is put your arm in one such hole and wait for the catfish to swallow your arm. You then grab its mouth with both hands (including the one in its mouth), and pull from the water! The problem with this is they have a sharp tooth on the roof of their mouth, and that tends to embed itself in a forearm.


Emails between a friend (who's about to go to Seattle) and me concerning my "salmon attack"


Left, Killer Salmon. Right, Ugly, Slimy Monk Fish.

From: Joe
To: Kristy
Subject: Slimy fish

Hey Kristy, I"m sitting at the airport & think"n I will be in Seattle 2:30 west coast time, & I think I"m going to look for that ugly old slimy salmon that bit your finger last week & have a talk with that slimeball to see where he thinks he can get away with biting you. haha. But I will let you know the results of my pep talk with that ugly little sucker.

From: Kristy
To: Joe
Subject: RE: Slimy Fish

Oh, Joe... You are so kind to look after me and avenge my hurts! While you're at it, give a talking to the slimy monk fish who lives next to that salvage salmon!

The place I liked was Pike Market Brewery that's between Pike and Pine. It has a nice ambiance! I give it four out of five belches! Tell Seattle that the librarian says "hello" and that she misses it!!

Have a safe trip! :-)

From: Joe
To: Kristy
Subject: RE:RE: Slimy Fish

OK, here is the end of that terrible tale of that slimy fish. I got to town early & headed straight to the market. I found that salmon still laying around on that bed of ice & bragging about what he did to that pretty girl from South Florida, so I started talking to him about the dirty deed. Found out he was real proud about what he did. He said you were so cute he could"nt help it & that you tasted so good, he want"s more. We started arguing & I told him you weren"t coming back for more, then the monk fish started sticking up for the salmon. Well anyway it ended up I bought the both of them! The monk fish is now bait fish & I don't like salmon, but it will be a pleasure to see him on my dinner plate tonight. And so goes the end of THE SLIMY FISH TAIL haha (hope you liked it) PS: I will check out the place you said abouy & try to find the one I was telling you about.

My Trip to Seattle:

1.  It was for a college librarian conference that happens every two years.

2.  I reconnected with some of the awesomest people I've known in the field:  professors, classmates, and other librarians I used to work with :-D  Yeah, I guess Kristy's made the college library community part of her own (gosh, I've been doing it for almost 8 years now).

3.  Visited the-- uh--  very interesting Seattle Public Library.  I posed with the funny little puppets!

4.  Listened to the esteemed journalist Tavis Smiley speak at the Seattle PL, and he autographed my book!  I sent one to sis Anna and her family because I think she and her man Kevin would like his story (read hid autobiography, What I Know For Sure).

4a.  His jerky crowd controller rudely cut me off when I asked Mr. Smiley to autograph a book 'To the Garretts', for sis Anna and her family.  I assumed he wouldn't sign the book, but was surprised when he gave his crowd controller a dirty look and signed the book as I requested! 

I stepped away immediately, but he got my attention:  "Miss, miss?"  He stood up and held out his hand to me, then we shook hands. 

"Thank you for coming out tonight," he said politely. 

I replied, "thank you for speaking and all you said, sir.  Thank you."

5.  Was c-a-p-t-i-v-a-t-e-d by one Seattleite (by his mind, heart, looks and quality of our interaction) and I'm still swooning for him (you mean guys like that still exist?!  Oh, thank God and hallelujah!  I'll wait patiently for something like that to be in my life!).

6.  Got to hang with some Boeing engineers (4 ladies and 1 gentlemen), and then met up with my current cohorts and had a great time at the Pike Street Brewery.

7.  Oh, yes, and I played with the salmon at the Pike Street Fish Market.  The guys make it fun by tossing fish, singing, and being a little silly to make it a better time for all!

7a.  If salmon play wasn't enough, the employees scared the beejeezus out of me by pulling on an ugly, slimy monk fish on a string!  "Ruuuh", growled one of the fish guys as the monk fish jerked up and down!  I jumped a mile high and shrieked!  Spectators and employees alike got a good laugh!

8.  Got lots of interesting ideas and updates in the library profession.  Yes, it was inspiring!  I had my reasons for wanting to be a librarian!

9.  Seattle is a very picturesque city.  The people are friendly!

10.  I stayed in a hostel called the Green Tortoise.  I had the cheapest place in downtown Seattle and stayed across the street from the Pike Street Market!  It was actually clean and safe; I'd stay there again (but maybe get a bed pad to make their beds feel softer).

11.  Say a novena for me that a dude like Eric (the Seattleite) will enter my life and we want to be with each other (pretty please?).

12.  Take a trip to Seattle, maybe in August or September.  There's something for everyone!

13.  Check out more of my pics at my Flickr page.

Could this be my 15 minutes of fame? I made a debut to the world of podcasting through my library's Camtasia videocast project.

See it here! Woo-hoo!!!

The Process

I volunteered, with two other ladies, to trailblaze this project. We received some training on Camtasia basics, but the rest we discovered through TechSmith's tutorials and through trial and error.

Our charge was to create 3 videocasts on frequently asked service questions. One was on the basics of using the Library Catalog, the second was using EZproxy to log into FAU Libraries' databases from off-campus, and the third will be on viewing a library account online.

First, we created a script to cover the most important content on the topic. We then had the script reviewed by others, especially by the people who were the main contact or had the main responsibility over something covered in the video. Once we received the feedback, we made the changes, and then created a visual storyboard using PowerPoint. With that, we were able to conceptualize what would appear on the screen while we covered a given point. This process was probably the longest part of working on a screencast.

Once we had the script and storyboard to the way we wanted it, we then got together to record the content. We often had to do more than one "take" when we produced it, but usually each take got better.

The next step was then to edit the recording. Here is where we learned Camtasia's little quirks and limitations. One time we had to use version 4.0 because our 30-day trial for 5.0 expired; what a huge difference in the quality of the video! 5.0 is definitely a superior product all-around, both in its features, usability, and quality of screencast!

After the editing was finished and a polished videocast was produced, we then tested it on students to see their responses to it. We also distributed the video to our superiors for their approval and feedback. Luckily, since we did a thorough job with the script, content, and storyboard and getting its approval, we didn't have to redo the screencast production from the feedback. The 'final' format was then forwarded to our Systems Department, who then posted it on the web!

Camtasia is not the most intuitive of programs to use. Getting proficient at it takes a lot of practice. Having previous graphic arts experience or working with any movie-making software is certainly helpful. People who are not comfortable with this type of software should probably abstain from the editing pieces and work on other parts of the project, that is, if they are ever 'volunteered' for such a project.

Our 3 to 5 minute videos literally took days to create. With that, any screencast should be used to reach a large number of people, and something that could be used often. If not, creating it would be a waste of time.

I feel pretty happy with our accomplishments, especially considering that 2 of us never did anything like this and 1 of us worked with a Flash program in the past. I certainly hope that students find use in the podcasts and that they are helpful! We will see!!

(From an email from my sis Priscilla to the rest of the family... Think it speaks for itself.)

Bienvenidos!

I just wanted to provide a quick update on my situation. From here on,
you shouldn't be hearing from me too much.

Last week on June 26th, I met with my Cardiologist. Everything looked
good and I don't need to see him for another six weeks. At that time,
he will perform a MUGA which involves a machine taking numerous
pictures of my heart. It will check the progress of my heart muscle
and it's functions. Very similar to an ultrasound/sonogram, but with
more detail. It is so detailed that it looks as though my heart has
been cut open and pictures were taken.

Friday, June 29th, I met with my Electrophysiologist. He gave me the
green light to no longer wear my defribulator!! He was so happy for me
he hugged me 4 times. I don't have to see him until 2009 since my
heart muscle improved so much!!

On Monday, June 30th, I met with the Nurse Practioner at my heart
failure doctor's office. They were so impressed with my improvement
that they asked if they could give my name to the hospital as a success
story. I gladly approved. They connected me to a machine called a bio
something. Everything looked good except that it showed my heart
function was still working a bit hard so they increased the dosage on
my medicine. I will continue to see my heart failure doctor, Dr.
B, about every two weeks. Although it's a 45 minute drive to the
TX Heart Center, I look forward to it every time now! My heart
function went from 15-20% to 40-45%. The ultimate goal is 60%. A
healthy person's heart operates at 60%.

I feel so good and I feel like I have so much energy, it is truly
amazing. I feel as though I have been transformed, born again! God
has given me a second chance at life, I am so happy to be here!! After
being told to expect to be a handicap my entire life, I have been given
a second chance. I finally feel normal again, especially without the
defibrulator! I have never been so happy!

From here on, I must watch my diet very carefully. I am still restricted to a low sodium diet, 2000 mg a day of sodium, watch my fluid intake and to weigh myself every day. When I do feel like cheating, Chris [her b/f] keeps me in line. When I want mexican, he give me
broccoli !!

I thank God every day for this second chance. I also thank him for
bringing Dr. B and I together, and that I have had all of your support to get me through this. Without that, it would have made it so much harder and worse. I can't tell you how much of a difference it has made. During my major down times, your kind words have lifted me back up. Although my heart still has a little ways to go to be completely improved, I am so much closer to it now than I was ever before.

I love you all!!!!! May all of you be blessed as I have been.

Prisc

(How do I feel? OMG, wonderful!! She sounds better every time I talk to her. I was a bit worried, but prayed and prayed, and just took it one step at at a time. I talked to her when she had the energy and didn't panic (and so she didn't panic, either). Yes... there is STILL so much we can look forward to doing and seeing together!)

I dedicate this playlist to all my blogging ladies, with special tribute to Narami!!

Barracuda, Heart

Crazy On You, Heart

Love Is A Battlefield, Pat Benatar

Crimson And Clover, Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

Atomic, Blondie

Treat Me Right, Pat Benatar

We Got The Beat, The Go-Go's

Middle Of The Road, Pretenders

Our Lips Are Sealed, The Go-Go's

Brass In Pocket, Pretenders

Suddenly Last Summer, The Motels

Do You Wanna Touch Me? Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

Don't Get Me Wrong, Pretenders

Treat Me Right, Pat Benatar

Only The Lonely, The Motels

Walking On Sunshine, Katrina and the Waves

Invincible, (Theme From The Legend Of Billie Jean, Pat Benatar)

Hazy Shade Of Winter, The Bangles

Kiss Me Deadly, Lita Ford

Close My Eyes Forever, Lita Ford w/ Ozzy Osbourne

I Hate Myself For Loving You, Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

Of course, gentlemen are more than welcomed to appreciate these vixens of rock!

According to this article in the UK Telegraph, this list makes up the 50 best cult books. According to the article:

In compiling our list, we were looking for the sort of book that people wear like a leather jacket or carry around like a totem. The book that rewires your head: that turns you on to psychedelics; makes you want to move to Greece; makes you a pacifist; gives you a way of thinking about yourself as a woman, or a voice in your head that makes it feel okay to be a teenager; conjures into being a character who becomes a permanent inhabitant of your mental flophouse.

What's your pleasure?

Bold= I've read + I love this.
Strike= I've read this.
(Plain type)= Nope, never did read...
Italics= ...but I plan to!

1. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut (1969)
2. The Alexandria Quartet by Lawrence Durrell (1957-60)
3. A Rebours by JK Huysmans (1884)
4. Baby and Child Care by Dr Benjamin Spock (1946)
5. The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf (1991)
6. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (1963). I'm a sucker for the 50s and 60s confessional writers (and does that come as a surprise to any of you?).

( Read more... )

41. The Road to Oxiana by Robert Byron (1937)
42. Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse (1922). If this book of reaching bliss and being spiritually connected is too positive for you, then try his gloomy Steppenwolf, which showcases melancholy and feeling immensely disconnected.
43. The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1774). I never read this, though I understand he's in the parthenon of German literature.
44. Story of O by Pauline Réage (1954)
45. The Stranger by Albert Camus (1942)
46. The Teachings of Don Juan: a Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Carlos Castaneda (1968). I heard the best way to go is to smoke a joint before reading any of his books.
47. Testament of Youth by Vera Brittain (1933)
48. To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee (1960). I read it for a Social Criticism class in high school and loved it in every way: the theme, writing, imagery, and the outrage...
49. Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1883-85)
50. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an Inquiry into Values by Robert M Pirsig (1974). A required book for most chumps in Michigan State University freshmen-level IAH classes, but I didn't go there my freshman year!

Guess who's gonna see Spamalot?

For Valentine's Day, I went to Glamor Shots where I got two portraits taken of myself and gave them to Keith. His present to me was a pass to a day spa. He said he got the idea from me because I talked so much about wanting to go to one after my move! I shrieked with joy when he presented it to me! We went to it this weekend and the lovely repertoire went as follows:

Pedicure & Manicure: done by a friendly Romanian lady. She painted my nails in a light pink with a pearl finish, as she was able to see that I typically don't wear polish. I like it because it's naturally pretty. She then massaged my hands and lower arms, and then dipped them in parrafin wax! It was warm and gooey, and then she covered them in plastic and then terry-clothes oven mitts! While those got treated, I got a pedicure, followed up by purple nail polish and parrafin wax for my feet!

While I got my hands and feet done, Keith was getting his massage and facial. He donned a terry cloth robe and slippers when I met him outside of his massage room. He looked giddily dazed and asked, "can I go out there like this?" It was his turn for the pedicure and manicure. I gently said he should get dressed. He was so suggestible that he probably would've obliged if I asked him to buy me a fur coat! He floated back into this room, and we went into what they called a 'quiet room', a private waiting room where we had our choice of snacking on juices, bagels, and tea. We were then called to switch.

My facial and massage session began. I was already feeling relaxed and sooooo content when Maria came back in to give me my facial. I thought she was just going to smear stuff on my face, but it was so much more than that! Steam streamed onto my face while she massaged my face, neck, shoulders, and upper chest! She rinsed my face with hot, soft towels and I about died! What a blissful sensation that was! Maria said I had great skin, but to use toner to close my pores. The facial was a 25-minute session, and was definitely the highlight of the day!

While Keith had his hands and feet done, I concluded with a full-body massage. Milli was pretty strong and I almost begged for less pressure! I can't take that as much as I used to. At first I didn't think the massage was having much of an effect until she asked me to lay on my back, and that was when I was feeling my energy go all over the place. I felt just as dopey and suggestible as Keith seemed! Milli finished me up with a lovely head massage, and then left me for dead (just kidding).

The nice thing about the day spa was we weren't just kicked out, having to face the cold, cruel world in with our heads in la-la land! They returned us to the quiet room where we had salads and wraps waiting for us! Keith was pretty conscious by then because he was talking with the spa girls and clientele while he got his manicure and pedicure, but I was the zoned one. I slowly came through as I gobbled up a veggie wrap and cranberry juice.

Keith and I spent a total of 4 hours at the spa. We were so relaxed for the next two days that everyone noticed! His face looked smooth from the scrub and moisturizing. My skin's tone was even and, well, fresh! Everyone said I looked very relaxed when I came into work today!

The place was called Wellington Day Spa, in a neighboring town from us. He found it online , but he was very selective. He didn't want to go to some salon with hair services because he wanted a relaxing place, and not one with people running in and out to get their hair done. I was super-impressed with his rationale, and eternally grateful for his thoughtfulness. The next cruise or vacation I take will definitely include some (or ALL) of these components and is highly recommended for anyone!

I've been working in college libraries for the past 7 years and fully enjoy my work.  Heck, it's been one of the longest relationships I've ever had!  Now that I am getting the hang of my new job, I'm enjoying it more.  However, there's one thing that I need to work on enjoying.  The library building looks like some Communist-bloc edifice, such as this one:



Like such buildings, my building has a cold, prison-like feel to it!  Over the years, it has fell victim to some neglect.  The HVAC and ventilation is terrible.  The rooms range from freezing cold to stinky, and The only splay of color comes from whatever artwork found its way in here.  The floor space is awful, and frankly, the interior decorating looks as if it was done by the same people who do prisons!

As my Grandpa Rey says, with his accent:



"Knockeet-down!"

If I were queen, I would do just that!  I would also rebuild it (after all, I don't want myself or my cohorts out of a job).  I would then rebuild it with a few new things:

**Departmental Suites:  Each department gets not some floor space carved out of whatever, but a SUITE like in a hotel!  They would share kitchenettes with clean, modern, and functioning appliances such as an operational refrigerator with microwaves, and an electric water boiler. 

We'd still get our own offices and all, and then we'd have a nice conference area where we can converge, gossip, and cry on each other's shoulders.

**Comfort Stations:  My sis had this idea at her work.  I'm not trying to be stupid here, but she created a quiet room for the women who were nursing their babies.  It was a quiet and relaxing place for new mothers who wanted a space to pump their milk and de-stress.  It should have easily-accessible lounges with comfy chairs (and maybe they can squeeze together for nap spaces).  This isn't supposed to be a breakroom, but more like something for 15 minute breaks. 

Adjacent to it should be restrooms, and in the restrooms would be bottles of lotion, hairspray, and gel for touch-ups throughout the day.  Again, I'm not trying to be a wise-ass, but these stations should also include a free feminine products machine (every woman from here to Mongolia has been SURPRISED at least twice in her life).

**Lunch room:  The lunchroom would be in an area with a great view.  It will have a self-servicing coffee maker and beverage fountain in order to distribute caffeine and sugar throughout the day to library workers.  It will also have well-stocked vending machines with decent candy selection.

**Cleaning service:  The library will be staffed by a dedicated group of service workers who are in charge of picking up and making sure all is well.  State-of-the-art vacuum cleaners will be given to them so they don't have to use dust-spewers.  The outside of the library will be regularly cleaned, and the sidewalks power-sprayed of the usual goo that accumulates throughout the school term.

**Coffee shop:  like, duh.  An actual 100% genuine Starbucks or Caribou Coffee would suffice.

**Wireless:  again, like DUH!  Wireless can be accessed anywhere in the library and also outside of it by at least 200 feet!

**Space:  Space will be flexible.  Electrical outlets will be plentiful.  A space can be used for group study one year, computer junk another, and maybe an exhibit area later.  The key work here is FLEXIBLE, baby!

**Reference:  In case you don't know exactly what I do, I work in the area of the library by all the encyclopedias and dictionaries.  Our shelves would be shiny, clean, with very low dust.  Our Reference Desk (where you ask questions and where I sit for part of my day) will be easy to walk to and easy to ask questions.

**Auditorium:  That's right!  I want Wynton Marsalis (or maybe Cyro Baptista) to be the first act to play in the 1,000 seat auditorium in my new library!  It will have comfy seats and will host plays, concerts, recitals, and lectures.

**Furniture:  All furniture will be modern and in good repair.

**Hanging out:  I'd put some benches outside where people can sit and chill and smoke between classes.  I'll have a grassy area if some stoners wanna play frisbee or hacky-sack.  I'll have a fountain somewhere for those who need soothing to their class-frazzled nerves.  I'd have some nice plants and sculptures outside and around the building.

And last but not least...

**Everyone would get 20% raises!  Hell yeah!

To make this dream come true, I'll probably have to blackmail the State of Florida law makers AND the big-boss of the university, pray for an improved economy, and sell my soul to the devil, but I think it's possible and I think it can be done.

I started making this stuff when I lived in Pensacola. An Italian-American from Boston gave me a simple recipe. I then enhanced it when I tried a dish of it at a Mediterranean restaurant.

And finally, 3 years later... I made THE PERFECT dish.

The leftovers are de-lish!

I decided to look at other recipes, and as it turns out, this one comes quite close. I don't add potatoes, and I've found that sea salt leaves a very pleasant flavor.

Bon Apetit!

OMG! It's over! Finally!

My last day flew by so fast! A small group of people took me out to lunch, and that was so sweet!

I wish I could appreciate it more, but it felt so bittersweet that it felt more weird to me than anything. Still, I appreciated Essie and Joe arranging it.

I was going to turn in my keys and say sayonara when I was told I had to go through an elaborate exit procedure. It required me to run all over campus to get signatures to show (a) I turned in all departmental credit cards, which I didn't have, and (b) I paid all fines and blah-blah-blah, and (c) that the college wanted its employees to run through hoops one last time. I got all the necessary signatures.

Of course, no one told me I had to do all this until I was about ready to leave. I grinned. That was the way communication went around the damn place.

I felt so much grief throughout the day, yet it was a familiar feeling. It was the feeling of ending something that was futile. It was an ache of knowing something was out there, in my life, that could not be fixed no matter the intention. It was the feeling of sadness and disappointment that I had to throw in the towel, raise the white flag of surrender, and leave something torn apart and walk away from it.

It felt similar to the end of a bad relationship where a middle ground could simply not be found. I remember telling a friend that the end of my terrible teaching internship felt like a very bad break-up. My leaving this library feels a little similar to that.

Yes, the last day brought back the memories of hostilities and energy it sapped from me for so long.

And finally, I walked away from it all.

I'm so scared. I only pray that I don't face another disaster like this one.

I made this postcard to inform the professors I work with that I will be leaving:





Never underestimate the possibilities of what can happen because of too much time, PhotoShop, and a kooky mind.

P.S. This isn't my best work, but it was still fun to make!

I suppose I can whine that I haven't found or met anyone yet. I can bemoan my bad luck, bad neurology, bad whatever, but I won't. I will throughly admit that I'm not seriously pursuing any relationships because I... guess I'm trying to feel right in myself when it comes to relationships.

I feel jaded and a little edgy when it comes to them. You see, I feel like we really can't hem anyone in to be what we want them to be. We can't form or mold anyone to be a certain part in our lives. It's like we just have to let them be, and then see how that fits.

In some ways, I played a part in Detroit John's life. He said he loved me for being me. But, I feel like he liked me more because I molded myself to play a part in his life.

I remember feeling like I had to give some things up to be with him, or hide or mute some things to be with him, and that it made me feel rather odd, like I wasn't really being or expressing all that I could.

It's that piece that stands out in my mind, other than the notion of allowing the other person their freedom.

So Mel from-last-summer and I screw around, but I've been talking to him about stuff like this (and, we've been talking a whole lot more than screwing around).

I said, "I don't know what happened since I've been here but I feel like everything I knew about relationships was wrong. Everything is just standing on its head in that department...

...maybe it's because I've been hurt, lied to, been in relationships where they took a lot more than what they've given me or ever were willing to give. I don't know if it's because of these things or what. Yeah, I feel cynical about relationships but at the same time... it's like I'm starting to see that an open relationship is the best way to go.

...well, not the best or the only way to go, but that one way to go is to have something like an open relationship...

...you know, where the people are committed to each other, but have the chance to get to know others as well."

Mel replied, "I can see that. A couple can stay together and maybe once in a while bring someone else into the picture. But other couples seem weird where they sleep with 5 or 6 different people a month. When I see that, I wonder why on earth they're still together."

I am still not clear on why I feel this way. Maybe it's still my hurt from the past talking, I don't know yet. But, I feel like there has to be some sort of openness and allowing of freedom in a relationship in order not to emotionally snuff or cuff someone, or each other.

--------------

Last night, the little shops in cafes in our downtown were open late for an occasion known as Gallery Night. There were musicians, snacks, drinks, and little bits of entertainment. I tore down there with a friend and took in the sights.

One rather good-looking man looked me in the face like he knew me, and I felt my expression curve into a "do I know you?" kind of expression.

"Are you Kristy?"

"Yes," I said, trying to recall if I knew him from work, church, or wherever.

"I remember you," he replied, "from the ad."

I gradually recalled writing him in a Yahoo Personals ad last February, and recalled he never responded to me. I was puzzled why he never did. Other than asking me for my name, he didn't look too interested in continuing the conversation, so I turned to my friend who was standing close by.

The ad guy whimpered away. Why the hell did the ad guy even bother saying hi? For whatever reason, he wasn't interested in me back then. Maybe it was because he was staring and had to explain why. I shrugged.

Later, I returned to my hidden profile. Yahoo Personals, what a wonderfully frustrating experience that was. I looked at one profile I was interested in when I tried it last spring, and recognized the guy as someone I met at a party a few weeks ago. I wanted to see if I ever wrote him, but I didn't. I recalled that although he was attractive, there was nothing more in the ad that compelled me to want to write him...

...so what happened at the party when we met? SAME THING. I was attracted to him, but he barely spoke to me. I ended up getting to know his cohort instead (I ended up going downtown with him last night, as well as hanging out a few times). The cohort wasn't as cute as him, but he was really cool.

I ended up meeting two guys I was initially interested in through personals, and end up running into them anyway. How funny is that? I met them away from their online photo and description of what they hoped for in a relationship, and was not very interested in them when I got to see what they were really like.